Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Perhaps it is time...

I am sitting here at 5th day post op.  I have the incredibly wonderful ability to be able to stay home with no questions for 5 work days.  This is the 4th work day off.

I think I need to go back.

I'm getting  a little lazy around the house.  I called the cable company crabby because for about 45 minutes the channels were pixelating - you know, the little squares that look like something is wrong.  I went for a walk.  I am doing the dishes as they get dirty. 

I even went for a walk.

So, yes, I think I should attempt to go back tomorrow.  Even if it is just for part of the day.

The thing that has held me back is that I just don't feel 100%.  I have queasy moments - or am I hungry?  I haven't figured out the difference yet.  I am mostly dependent on time - has it been 3-4 hours since I started eating something?  And ***TMI*** I have had diarrhea once last night and once this morning.  The kind where you think it's going to be gas, but surprise, you need to get your butt to the bathroom?  yeah - that kind.

Good times.

I have to believe that that is partly because I am only doing liquids.  Protein shakes, soup, pudding, yogurt.  Rinse and repeat.  Thank goodness I didn't have to do liquids ahead of time - that would have put me over the edge.  I just keep having to fight head hunger.  I want cheese or meat.  Real meat.

The first thing I am having to learn to repeat to myself - I will have (insert craving here) soon.  Soon I can have it.  I have the rest of my life to have whatever it is.  But for now, I need to heal, to be healthy, to do as I am asked.  I won't die.  People don't die after this surgery from starving.  However, the smells, the sights - they make me question my strength.  Can I really do this for 2 weeks?

Saturday, we are supposed to go to Texas Roadhouse for my DH's niece's 18th birthday.  We don't want to miss it.  We need to be there to support her - she needs all the positive support we can give.  However - really?  Texas Roadhouse?  With the steak?  With the fried stuff?  Where I can eat a yummy side of applesauce or mashed potatoes - neither of which are on my list of approved foods, but appear to be the safest route.  *sigh*  Clearly, I just need to suck it up.  Again - I won't die.  And I have the rest of my life to eat steak, maybe.  :)

My other challenge - I didn't want my in-laws to know about the surgery at all.  I just don't need the judging and the conversations.  I don't trust most of them and I know they all love their gossip.  I would just rather not be their topic of conversation.  But, DH told his mom.  And his mom doesn't always remember to keep things quiet.  So....I am guessing everyone there will know that I am eating barely anything because I have had this surgery.  Lovely. 

So, see - I need to go back to work.  Only my boss and my coworker know there, so I can just be.  And I have plenty of do, so I won't have to think about much.

Oh, and my new engagement ring arrived today.  I like it - so pretty.  It's bigger than the old one and radiant cut instead of princess - so it feels odd to see it.  But I like it and am so happy to have it back on my hand.

Oh, and (I keep thinking of things) did anyone watch Mike and Molly last night?  Not sure how to feel about it.  Loved the open conversation about how NOT EASY it is to be heavy.  I didn't love the little digs and jokes - but they were made from family and close friends, so does that make it easier or better or more acceptable?  I'm not sure.  I will give it a few more episodes...we'll see.  What did you all think?

Until later!


  1. I vote for staying home longer if you can. The energy it takes to go to work is different than the energy it takes to relax at home. I really think I over-did it and I ended up really sick about 10 days post-op. I probably had pneumonia, but I didn't go to the doctor (long story).

    As far as the party goes, can you just show up at the end? That sounds pretty miserable.

  2. Hi, Paige! I just found your blog... I'm scheduled to have lapband surgery on Nov 17th and I'm a combination of excited and scared and going crazy trying to get all sorts of stuff done so I can just enjoy the 2 weeks I've allowed myself to take off of work.

    Sorry to hear about DH spilling the beans to his mother. I worry about that too. I don't even really want my family to know, I certainly don't want my husband's family to know. Sometimes his filter doesn't work so I'll have to be careful with him!! Good luck at the dinner... that's a rough one.

  3. Hey there, stopping in to say hello. Congrats on your decision to make a better you happen here. Listen to your body, understand it. Go back when you really feel ready. The road is a life long one and that is a good thing. Some just want a temporary road to healthy days. While it would be nice, what is worth having is worth working at for a lifetime. No different than love, marriage, family, etc... you work at those things for a lifetime, same goes for your health.

    Nice blog!

  4. Hi Paige, I also just found your blog. Congrats on having surgery! You know what, I don't give a crap what other people think about this surgery. I did this for me, for my health, and for my happiness. Just wait a couple of months and see what a difference there will be in your mood and body. Honestly, the food does not matter to me anymore. I really do not crave a darn thing. I concentrate on protein and water and exercise. Good luck to you and hold your pretty head up high!!!!!

  5. I went back to work 5 days after surgery and I'll be honest, I wished I would've taken another couple days. It wasn't horrible but definitely not as nice as being at home. The liquid phase is tough...especially once your appetite starts coming back. Just remember it's for healing...you'll be alright.

  6. I watched Mike & Molly. I feel the same way....I'm not sure how I felt about it. Some of it was funny and some made me maybe a little uncomfortable.

  7. I agree with the others - go back to work when you feel up to it, and if it's for a half day then that's just great!

    The liquid phase is really hard when you start to get hungry again. But the diarrhea is short lived. I think I had it for a couple of days at most and I think you're right it's just all those liquids. I'm sorry your husband told his mom, I think I'd have to kill mine if he did that for the same reasons you mentioned. But you did this for you and not for anyone else. So go and eat what you can and remember you're healing and it'll be all good and your niece will very much appreciate you being there.

  8. Man! I missed Mike and Molly and really wanted to see it. Darn it. I'll have to set that up on my DVR.