Thursday, October 28, 2010

Down 2.2!!

Woo hoo!!  I am finally down below my little gain from 3 weeks ago and hanging on barely to the 260s.  Honestly, I'm ready to kiss the 260s goodbye.  So, 250s - come out come out wherever you are!!!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

first fill!! I survived the first fill!  We had to be at the hospital at 10, you know so you could wait until they really call you back at 10:30.  Hate that.  Oh, and seriously, same hospital I just had band surgery 6 weeks prior, but I get the 1000 questions registration again.  Yes, husband is still unemployed, but thanks for reminding me.  :)  Actually, that doesn't bother me too much.  He is in school, so it's all good.  I was just annoyed a little.

Anyways - we get called back (4 of us) to have nutrition class - how to eat after a fill.  Umm...same as after the surgery.  Got it.  But this is a new nutritionist to me...and she wasn't quite in sync with what the others have said...but it's all good.

Then we wait to go back one by one to get the fill and drink the barium.  Fill - hurt more than I thought it would. Needles don't always bother me, this one did.  Barium - not as bad as I thought.  So, balanced out in the end.

I found out I have 3ccs in my LapBand brand band.  Say that a few times.

I have been doing liquids and mushies...had to have yogurt for lunch yesterday, right after.  I was growling hungry.  Then I had pintos and cheese for dinner.  This morning, a shake.  Lunch was a work meeting that I totally didn't plan for with lunch ordered in - pizza.  I ate the cheese.  It's mushy, isn't it?  And then beans and cheese again tonight.  Tomorrow, we'll ease into more food.

Let's talk water.  I think I had convinced myself preop that I drink more water than I do.  I fill my glasses with ice at work (we have a fab ice machine) but it never occurred to me how much ice displaced the amount of water.  Science wasn't my strong suit.  So....I need to work on upping the water.

So - what are your tricks and tips for adding more water into my day??

Saturday, October 23, 2010

I love followers...

Thank you to all of you for your support.  We all know how much easier this makes everything - to go through it together.  I really appreciate all of your comments!!

My long week is over.  I can get back to focusing on me.  I did go to yoga class on Thursday.  I'm painfully aware that I am the heaviest there and can't bend in half - or even in most ways.  :)  But I'm trying to focus on me.  I was able to hold my leg behind me and opposite arm in front of me while on my hands and knees.  At one point though we were stretching our legs tot he left - so back on the floor head straight to the ceiling, legs to the side with goal of them being at your waist height but ankles on the floor.  right.  Fellow bandsters - be careful of this on the left side.  I felt some pulling and oddness that can only be associated in my head (of course) with completing dislodging my band.  I know I didn't - I have felt fine since, but gosh it was an odd feeling.  And a month plus out, I thought I was good to go with the stretching.  :)

I'm doing a lot of hanging low this weekend.  Catching up from the week that was.  I went for a walk last night and hope to do so again.  I hit almost 12000 steps at work alone on Thursday.  Trying to keep up my average for the with not giving myself a 2000 step day this weekend.

And countdown is still on for the fill on Tuesday!!  : )

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

So, this is bandster hell....

I finally found it.  I worried I'd not get to experience it.  I'm not sure why I want to experience the bad stuff - but I do.  Maybe it's my way of feeling like I belong. 

Anyways - I found it!  I suppose that if eating a box of generic pizza rolls, 2 handfuls of pretzels and a payday candy bar, while thinking about what I want to eat on the way home in an hour isn't bandster hell, then someone is messing with me.

I feel full after eating that.  But not satisfied.  Which I suspect is the mind games piece of things.

But I really want something from McDonalds.

But I know I shouldn't and don't need it.

The next 2 days at work will be nuts.  I have 14 hours each day of meetings for our employees.  I need to figure out, quickly, how I will handle the next 2 days and eating and mindless eating and finding a way to be satisfied.

Only 6 more days until my fill....

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The ups and downs of it all.

I am awfully glad that I wrote about something positive this morning.

I weighed in today and went up 2.1.  Blah.

Of course I immediately had all the negative feelings.  See - you can't lose weight.  Even with a band.  You don't know how to do this.  You are destined to be fat forever. 

I then proceeded to eat a carrot stick too quickly and BAM it was stuck.

Guess I deserved that, band.  Touche.

I know I can do this.  I know I'm in the world of bandster hell right now where I feel like I can eat and I am still fighting with head hunger and I still have old habits that have been with me forever.  It all takes time.  And gaining 2.1 still has me 18 under where I was to start with.  So....I know I can do this.

But all of those habits come with the habit of talking down to myself and not being sure and confident and quite honestly, the fact that I have indeed not been successful before.

But this is different.  this is a tool.  I need to start really using it.  I need to do the right things.

I have 11 days until my barium swallow and fill.  I need to follow the guidelines the office set for me with eating, stick with them for that time and see how it works for me. 

Tomorrow is a new day.


Just a quick post as I head into work.

So excited to see a couple of comments about walking.  And that Read even downloaded an app to see how many steps she is doing!

I got up and walked a little over a mile this morning - got in over 3k steps before I even head into work.  Then yoga tonight!!

Good start to the day!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

It was bound to happen....

I lost a follower.  Not sure why - but I know it happens.  Still hard to not take personally and wonder what I said to make them go away.

Actually, one of my greatest fears and struggles is around the idea that people don't want to be around me.  I get even a little insecure when my husband wants to go to the man cave to watch TV instead of watch with me.  Although I will easily admit that I sometimes like when he isn't home or around and I get my own me time.  Funny.  anyway, I'm like it with friends and family members and just kinda don't like the idea that people don't want to be with me.  It isn't rational when I think about it too deeply - so I don't much.  :)

Not much to report really.  My sinuses are acting up, so I haven't felt 100%.  I feel like I'm just on hold with the band.  I feel some restriction.  Still no bread happening - but I get hungry or do some mindless eating at times.  I'm not really planning on a big loss tomorrow.  I'd be happy with just a little.  We'll see how that goes.

I need to start up-ing the exercise.  I know that.  I need to bust a move a little more.  I am barely hitting 3000 steps a days if I don't try.  I'm trying to keep up with my boss who is hitting 6000 a day average.  we have one employee hitting over 20k a day!!!    Can you believe that?  she was a walker to begin with.  But 20k a day???

What about you all?  Have you counted steps before??  How are you exercising these days?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Scale I'm in Love With...

...happens to be the one at my Weight Watchers meeting.  It always shows lower than my one at home.  This morning at home, I was sure I was gaining this week.  Got to my meeting - down 1.6!!  Woo hoo!!

So, I'm down more than 5% according to when I started WW - which is after I had lost about 5 pounds from my heaviest.  I am down 15.4 according to WW - and that is from one week prior to surgery.  So, in 4 weeks.

Feeling pretty good about that.

Still struggling with breaking the bread habit.  Seriously, one bite and I feel tight.  But my brain can't seem to get that and I keep taking bites thinking it's all good.  I need to get that Pavlov thing going soon!  LOL

Not much else going on.  We started a walking competition between our plant and the other plants in the US.  We all have fancy pedometers that download onto a website.  Kinda cool.  Do you have any idea how many steps you take in a day?  I had no clue.  I knew that about 2500 is a mile.  I knew that in theory you should be stepping 10k a day.  I thought, ok.   I have a desk job.  I walk a bit at work, but not constantly.  I should at least be at 5k a day.


If I don't work at it, I end up at 2500 - 3500 a day.  For the love.  So, last week, I went to work late one day and got in a 1.5 mile walk.  Ended up with almost 8k.

Some of the highest steppers have shared that they are constantly moving at night in front of the TV.  I'm going to have to "step" (haha) it up.  :)  We have 6 months and our goal is to fictitiously walk from Breckenridge, CO to Las Vegas....  I might never make it at this rate!!

I'm off today and tomorrow.  I am hoping to get in some heavy duty walking tomorrow!!  I have days to burn - which I love.  So, these days are great...nothing much planned, plenty to get done.  Maybe it will, maybe it won't!!

Until later!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Dear Bread Products...

Dear Bread and Bread-like Products,

I need to break up with you.  I know, I know.  37 years is a long time to have been in a relationship with someone.  But that's part of the problem.  I have to move you out of my life completely for now.  You keep tempting me, I keep forgetting that I need to move past you.

You see, I've met someone new.  This new person - um, band - in my life doesn't like you so much.  She gets jealous and tries to strangle me when you come around.  Pains in my chest and back and I feel like you're going to come back up.  The bread at Texas Roadhouse - fail.  The Cheddar biscuit at Red Lobster - fail.  the pastry I just tried to take a few bites of - fail.  I need to give my new relationship with the band a chance.  And you are standing in the way of my comfort now, and my happiness long term.

I will visit you now and then.  The times away will grow longer, however.  And the bites will be fewer and less frequent.

I'll always love you.  You've been too good to me.  And it's not you, it's me.  You deserve someone who can fully appreciate you.  I don't think that will ever be me.  I don't want to end up hating you.

For now,

Friday, October 1, 2010

Love my Band!!

Yesterday I had my first "I love my band" experience.

We ordered in lunches for a group of employees working here, but are from a plant on the other side of the country.  They are here for 4 weeks, go home for a week and then back here for 3.  Anyhoo...they were having lunch with our plant manager, so we ordered their lunches and my boss told me and my co-worker to order lunches for ourselves.

Well...we ordered from a famous local place known for their BBQ sauce.  We ordered pulled pork sandwiches, kettle chips and a huge salad.  Coworker and I got ours and set it aside while we took the group theirs and then we went and weighed in for WW.

SIDE NOTE - I lost one pound this week.  More on that in a minute!

We came back and started to eat.  I had looked at the nutritionals on this.  I decided to not eat the chips - too risky at that moment.  I took off an eyeballed portion of about 2oz of the pulled pork and then had my big salad.  I started eating.  Seriously - 2oz of meat and I was STUFFED!!!!  A little salad with Blue Cheese.  That's it!!  More than 2/3 of my lunch still sat there. 

Merely 2 weeks earlier and I would have inhaled it all and been looking for some dessert!!  :)

Loving my band!

Now...the weight loss.  I lost 1 pound.  I've watched Biggest Loser enough to know that you don't lose big forever or every week, but I was kinda disappointed.  After going 2 weeks without the official weigh in at WW and losing 12.something and then 1 measly pound.

Of course this led to self doubt and being hard on myself.  I'm surely going to be the person who fails at this.  I knew I wouldn't do it.  AGAIN.  It was too good to be true.  Blah blah blah blah blah.

I snapped out of it.  But, This is clearly the beginning of the mind work that needs to be done.  I mean - seriously - I went from the weigh in to a tiny lunch.  Also 2 weeks ago, 1 pound lost would have meant FREEDOM!  Eat away!!  But I had a tiny tiny lunch!  woo hoo!! 

I know I can do this.  I feel the difference more and more each time I make good choices and bad choices and their effect on my body.  I am more and more aware of all of the craziness around us regarding food and bad choices that are available.  I will succeed.  It will take time.  But I can do this.

How about you all?  Have you had "tiny meal" experiences?  Small weight loss trying to mess with your mind experiences?