Dear Bread and Bread-like Products,
I need to break up with you. I know, I know. 37 years is a long time to have been in a relationship with someone. But that's part of the problem. I have to move you out of my life completely for now. You keep tempting me, I keep forgetting that I need to move past you.
You see, I've met someone new. This new person - um, band - in my life doesn't like you so much. She gets jealous and tries to strangle me when you come around. Pains in my chest and back and I feel like you're going to come back up. The bread at Texas Roadhouse - fail. The Cheddar biscuit at Red Lobster - fail. the pastry I just tried to take a few bites of - fail. I need to give my new relationship with the band a chance. And you are standing in the way of my comfort now, and my happiness long term.
I will visit you now and then. The times away will grow longer, however. And the bites will be fewer and less frequent.
I'll always love you. You've been too good to me. And it's not you, it's me. You deserve someone who can fully appreciate you. I don't think that will ever be me. I don't want to end up hating you.