First of all - and most importantly - Thank You. Thank you all for being there and supporting me. Your kind words, your stories of relating, your encouragement means so much to me. Thank you. I can't read the blog comments at work, so it's hard to get on here often. So, while I don't post everyday, know I read the comments and cherish them all as I struggle with lonely and angry and sad and oversensative and all the ugly emotions that go with all of this.
And I promise I'm not all negative and moping all day. I'm just getting out some of the ughs here. My boss asked me today if I was happier. I told him far from it - he said I was hiding it well, because I seemed happier. Kinda funny, kinda probably not healthy. But it's my coping skill right now, especially at work.
STBXH put a hold on his mail. Fine. But in the past 2.5 weeks, I've had now 4 conversations with the USPS regarding delivering my mail, despite holding his. Today I finally had a super there tell me that tey can't hold for one, not the other. Fine - I told her cancel the hold and bring me all of the mail. I got mail, not all of it - nothing for him today, so I know it's not all of it. However, they had a letter from the prosecutor - they want to talk to me. Before his pre-trial on Monday morning. Awesome. So, I will try and talk to them tomorrow. And they got the protective order changed so that STBXH can contact my father once to get tools and clothes. Really - you've been here twice since this started, the 1st time for 45 minutes and the police didn't watch you like they promised me and you took my Nook and I suspect my engagement ring and wedding rings and some cash. You don't need to come back here right now. And you certainly need not involve my father. They told my lawyer about the other part - that they were changing it to include that he could be on my street for work, only work. But they left out the other part. Seriously, don't play sneaky on me now. I am trying to be the better person.
And I'm out of Ambien. I forgot to call for a refill. I'm thinking it's a night for an Ativan. :) or just my bourbon and coke.
And you all are right - I need to focus on exercise and diet. Control those things. We all know it's not that easy. We'd all choose controlling those things as our control of choice if it were that easy. But, you are right. I'd feel better. I have a treadmill in my basement. I need to use it. I need to get out with the dog. I need to just be mindful of food. I am eating less, overall - just lacking appetite. But I'm not making great choices.
Phew - again, just good to get it all out.
Love you all. Talk to you soon.