Wednesday, January 12, 2011


I've been missing for almost 2 weeks from here.  I have been struggling.

I got my fill on the 29th of Dec.  I felt a little restriction, but not tons. 

I've been eating whatever I want since then.

I suspect there are people out there who would say that this is about eating, not should be able to eat whatever if you want it - IN MODERATION.  Well, I've been eating less than once upon a time, but still more than I should and very rarely the stuff that is good for me.

I am struggling.

I want to do this.  I want to make good choices.  I am still in my old head and habits and those haven't changed.  Which explains my lack of weight loss over these almost 4 months.

I feel a little lost.  Maybe not lost....  I'm perhaps lacking confidence....  Maybe it's motivation.  Although, I WANT to do well.  When faced with choices, I choose the old way, the stuff that isn't good and the amounts that are more than necessary.

I thought I'd try the 5 day pouch test.  Yeah.  By 5pm I was so ravenous that I ate every snack food I had randomly in my office.  So much for all liquids that day.  And I had done well - a really well protein packed shake for breakfast, protein heavy soup for lunch, a protein drink for a snack....50-60 grams of protein by that point.

Of course we all know what goes with all of this...the feeling of failure.  I never have done it before, so of course I can't do it now.  I'll be the only bandster in the blog world who fails at this.  I can't do anything right.  Blah blah blah.  Of course, deep down, I don't believe this.  However, the negative track runs through my head every so often and certainly doesn't help.

I needed to just get this all out there.  I am open to suggestions.  I keep thinking that tomorrow I will wake up and start again. hasn't happened that way yet.  I keep thinking and debating and reading and looking for some answers.  I have faith. 

But I'm struggling. 


  1. About three months out from my surgery I hit a plateau and it took me almost 3 months to lose 10 lbs. And all I wanted to do was give up! I thought I was doing everything wrong. You are not alone in feeling that way. Definielty look at your food and your exercise but be reasonable. Make changes that are sustainable. The 5 day pouch test can be good but it may not be what works for you. Most importantly though, don't give up. Remember that the mental change is sometimes the hardest part. You CAN do this.

  2. Don't give up! I could have written parts of this post myself!!!!!! Go get you another fill! It will give you the boast you need, and I bet it will put you right back on track! Mine is scheduled for the 19th :)

  3. I feel exactly the same as you feel now and I was just thinking about writing a post about how I feel now, read yours and thought "this is exactly what my post should say!" lol

    I am hanging out for my next fill :( my scale hasn't moved in well over 3 weeks. I feel like I am being wasteful.

    We can get out of this though - positive thoughts!

  4. Don't give up girlie - it's like that for all of us. I'm struggling now - we will go through struggles. I'm not making the best choices and I think we're so conditioned to beat ourselves up over it that it makes us feel worse. We need to dust off and just get back on the wagon. You're doing great - it's not overnight. We didn't have bypass - it's a different ballgame. It will happen. I promise you - it will. I think I had only lost 25+ lbs my first four months. Maybe 30? But, now look. I'm on my last 40 before I hit what I like to consider my initial goal. It will happen. Just hold on to hope and it takes about three to four fills easily. :)

  5. I looked at your blog yesterday to see how you have been doing because I am feeling exactly the same way! I have no fill yet and feeling like I never even had the surgery. We need to hang in there. I am sure that we will be just fine.


  6. Keep striving for success, this is just a bump in the road and you will work your way through it. You have come so far already :) Well done!

  7. Don't give up!!! It's tough at first to get on the right track. I made all kinds of wrong decisions in December but I refuse to beat myself up over them. It's a learning process. You didn't gain all this weight overnight and you're not going to break these habits overnight either. I think it's important that you not disappear when you're not doing well. It's easier to hide from people who are there to support you than to admit you fell off the wagon. Climb back up. We're here for you!

  8. I have nominated you for the Stylish Blogger Award. See my blog for information and instructions on how to pay it forward.

  9. dont give up! Small changes every day add up to huge successes!

  10. Could you please re-follow my blog! I changed the URL and now everyone who follows my blog can not see my new posts in their blog feed.

    Thank you,